8 Rules to Fatherhood Success

Are you like me?  When I first became a father – no, before I became a father, I decided I needed a plan.   I needed to plan what type of dad I was going to be.  No easy task.  But, seriously, I felt like I had to enumerate what was going to allow me to be successful in fatherhood.  When in doubt, I needed rules to live by.

I have absolutely terrific parents.  I’d be willing to put them up against any parents who’ve ever existed in the history of parents.  They gave me a very solid foundation built on their unbelievable and unending love.  I’ve felt that my whole life. I cannot tell you how lucky I feel every day, knowing that not everyone has that same experience.  All I want is for my kids to know that feeling one day, too.

So, without further ado, my 8 Rules to Fatherhood Success:

1)      Encourage Outside the Box Thinking:  With all four kids, I’ve asked myself upon their arrival – is this the person who cures cancer?  Is this the next William Shakespeare? Is this the next Albert Einstien?  Aiming high? Come on….admit it.  You do it, too.  To do great things, I believe kids should have few defined boundaries.  When I learned  Jack wanted to be a veterinarian architect (a real aspiration, at one point), I could not be more encouraging.  Will’s going to be pro football player.  He’s told me many, many times.  And in our world, he will be.  There are no boundaries when it comes to what my kids “may” be or do.   And I’ll be right there, cheering them on, when they do it.

2)      Let the Kids Define Success:  I knew from that start that I didn’t want to put my expectations on my kids because I’d aim too low or too high or off the right or simply on the wrong board to begin with.  My kids celebrate their “wins” with me and look for some sympathy when they don’t quite meet their own expectations.  All I ask is they try.  When they give their best, the results matter little.

3)      Be Realistic: Blythe and decided early on that our kids will know the realities of life before they fly the coop.  Want to buy a house?  Here’s how much it costs, information about mortgages, about credit, about insurance, about taxes, about utility bills.  We’ll talk about jobs and salaries and the realities of life on your own.  We’ll never scare them, but we’ll arm them so they can prepare.

4)      Walk the Talk: Nothing is easier than telling my kids what to do.  And nothing is less impactful when it’s not backed up with action.  Will and I had a conversation about water being “the best” liquid for your body.  So he asked me why I drank so much Diet Coke.  And he was right.  I didn’t quit Diet Coke that day.  I didn’t quit Diet Coke until I saw Will pouring himself a Diet Coke from the fridge.  We’ve both quit now.

5)      Instill a Sense of Family: In my world, there is nothing – NOTHING – more important to me than family.  It was the golden rule in my house growing up, and I plan for my children to pass it along to their children.  My father used to say that we siblings were the only people we could count on for our entire lives.    I want my children to have that same resolve

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6)      Experiences Trump “Things”: I’m big on my kids DOING stuff that interests them, rather than gathering the accoutrements of their interests.  Jack has always loved trains – so off to the train museum we go for a ride in the beautiful countryside.  Will, our sports fanatic, took part in a football “pro day” for kids, coached by real college and pro coaches.  Emma is just getting started, but our princess is loving her ballet and tap classes.  “Things” break, get lost, are “left behind” when the new model comes out.  Experiences are forever.

7)      Be There: Kids don’t just want experiences.  They want to share those experiences with the people most important to them – their parents.  Soccer games, Musicals, Dance Recitals, Football Practice, Art Show – just be there.  For all of them.

8)      Brag About Your Kids, A Lot: Enough said.

What about you?  What are your rules to Fatherhood Success? (Mom’s can chime in, too!)