The Focus of a Father (sometimes needs improvement)

The night before a business trip I was at a hardware store buying a toilet flapper. I had procrastinated on this simple task and was looking for some way to make it up. No one in my family even mentioned that it needed to be done, I was just thinking about it at the time and on some level wanted to just do “something” for them before I left.

I notice that on sale are kits that come with clay pots, soil, and strawberry seeds. I thought about how my daughter had taken an interest in growing plants. One of her baby sitters planted a seed for her in their garden and my three year old keeps a watchful eye on it. She still asks about it weeks later and wants to go see it. Unfortunately, she also thinks that burying rocks our own front yard will produce the same result. I figure that it is time to try a simple project in patience and responsibility in a way that while less creative, is also less futile.

I think about how it would be fun to let her do the work as I follow the instructions. I could tell her that when I am on the road I will call every night to remind her to water them, and that she will be the first to eat one when they grow. Deciding this was a good idea I get in line and purchase both the flapper and the strawberry kit. I forgot the water filter for the refrigerator that I was also there to pick up.

I get home and tell my daughter about the project. She is exited and tells Mom about it even though she was in the room and had already heard the entire plan. By the time I put in the flapper, fold some laundry and finish packing I begin to think about work and the trip. I run through a checklist of preparedness for the first day that I had already thought through a dozen times, have done hundreds of times before, and had under control.

Next morning I sit on the airplane and realize that I got distracted and did not help her plant those strawberry seeds. I know she will be fine, but for a child the importance of that sort of thing is relative to real adult problems and its importance should not be underestimated. This puts me in a contemplative state as there is nothing I can about it do now, not even send her a text to apologize.

The coping mechanism I have developed to deal with missing my family when I leave for work is simple. Doing the best job I can is the best way to provide for them and to say thank you for the support that all of my girls give me in my career. If I cannot be at home at the end of every day, then whatever I do has to count for something.

But sometimes, they just want me to focus on being there with them. Even when that means just watching strawberries grow. After considering these thoughts while ignoring the safety demonstration the flight attendants wisely give us, I move on. Instead of paying some attention to the clouds as we fly over them, I play angry birds on the cell phone.