Guidelines from the Sidelines

My ten year old son, Will, was writing a science paper the other day. In it, he had written “Today, I am researching the idea that….” When I suggested to him that perhaps he might want to change the language to read “I’ve researched the idea….”, he looked at me, stupefied.  “But, Dad, the research isn’t done yet.  I’m doing it as I write this paper.”  I took a moment to try to grasp his point of view – he wanted to accurately report on what he was actively doing – and I explained that, to the reader, this topic and research will all have been done already, so it is appropriate to assume the future and write the paper from that perspective.

Assume the future.  That was a tough concept to explain.  It hit me that one of the really great things about being a kid is not having to assume the future.  Kids live in the now.   They know the future is out there, but, like much in their lives, the future is not completely in their control so they manage to cope with the idea that it’ll happen when it happens.   They can make great guesses about what the future holds, but those guesses usually aren’t rooted in reality.  For example, Will is convinced, legitimately convinced, he will be a running back in the NFL one day.  He does not understand the infinitesimal odds of that being a career option for him…  the math alone is fairly astounding:

• There are 32 NFL teams
• Each team carries, roughly, 3-4 running backs on their roster
• 3.5 roster spots times 32 teams equals 112 jobs in any given year
• One estimate is that roughly 1,000,000 boys play high school football every year
• Given the 112 running back positions available, there is a .0112% chance for any of those million boys to become a professional running back.to become a professional running back.

Add to those odds the fact that genetics did Will no favors… he is not particularly big, nor is he particularly fast.  But, let’s just say he was above average in each of those areas – I think that may be wishful thinking but just for fun, let’s assume that were true.  Does “above average” make it in a league where just .0112% of job applicants are accepted into the field (Get it?  Field? They’re football players….  I digress….) No, “above average” kids might make it one rung higher on the ladder, but to be an NFL running back, somewhere along the way the words ”great”, ”outstanding, “top”,  or “awesome” need to be the description of one’s skills.

But here’s the beauty of youth – Will doesn’t care about the long odds.  He doesn’t care about being shorted in this area by the workings of genetics (sorry, buddy – probably my fault….my genes don’t have the NFL emblem embossed on them).   He knows he’s going to be an NFL running back.  Who am I to tell him he can’t be?

As a parent, I also want him to be prepared for other life options –you know, just in case.  We’ve talked about journalism. We’ve discussed opportunities in the arts.  Will has an entrepreneurial spirit, as well.  But in his mind, all these options are for when his NFL career is over.  That’s the blessing of youth. 

I’m not so foolish to think I can know anything about my children’s futures.  I, too, can make guesses – hopefully bit more educated and grounded than theirs, but guesses nonetheless.  And while I can’t know what the future holds for them, I can know what I want the future to hold for them… so, instead of giving them hard and fast rules, Blythe and I try to instill some core values to help them make good decisions for their future.  I trust my kids… I feel if we can give them some basic guidelines to follow, they will each blossom beautifully and in their own way.  So, here are some of the ideas we try to instill:

Make Healthy Choices:  This is such a tough subject…  everywhere you turn, there is different advice on what is and isn’t good for you.  So, what can we do?  We try to instill some basic core concepts– sleep is good (the two year old is still working on this one); when you’re not feeling well, sleep is even more important; foods with fewer chemicals are probably better than those with a lot; foods with lower sugar content are probably better than foods with a lot (Halloween, you did not help us here!); fruits and veggies are important; fried anything isn’t going to do you any good; moderation is key; moving your body is important; you have one body that needs to last a long time….  We hope these building blocks help our kids to form good decisions over the long run.

Take Risks: I guess some parents prefer to root their kids in the realities of life. There are probably plenty of you who think me the fool for allowing Will to think he could play in the NFL one day.  (You probably think me the fool for many more reasons than that, but let’s just use this one example for now…)  However, I never want to clip my kids’ wings.  I constantly encourage them to dream big.  There is nothing more exciting to me than to watch them embrace the challenge and chase those dreams.  They may not achieve their original goal, but I have a belief that they will achieve regardless.  My greatest desire is that my kids aren’t afraid to fail.  It’s about the journey, not the destination. Hokey? Yes…but true nonetheless.

Work Hard:  I remember my grandmother complimenting me early in life – and boasting to anyone who’d listen about how “smart” I was.  While flattering to be described that way, I’ve learned over time that “being smart” can be a weight around your neck. “Smart” gets you virtually nothing in life.  What I have noted about people who have great success in life, in any field, is they invariably are the hardest workers around.  They’re the folks who don’t accept obstacles and barriers, who barrel through the hours and the issues. They have a singular focus on the work at hand.  Malcolm Gladwell famously theorized that it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert… successful people see that as the bare minimum of effort.

Be Kind:  No matter your lot in life, there are always others who find themselves in less desirable situations.  Sometimes, it is easy to forget and easier still to judge harshly.  My most sincere hope is that my kids find ways to embrace their communities and lead through compassion.  While I do my best to model this behavior, I hope they are far better at this than am I.  I’m so fortunate that compassion is a part of their natural behavior.  Blythe and I hope to stoke those fires into a lifelong engine for them.

Follow Your Heart: There are few things as awful as waking up every day and knowing you’re going to be miserable for the next ten hours.  I know far too many friends who would trade in their occupation in a heartbeat if their life circumstances would allow.  My hope is that my children have the intestinal fortitude to use their hearts when choosing their life activities.  I want them to wake up every day excited to be jumping into life’s waters. 

Make healthy choices, take risks, work hard, be kind, and follow your heart.  Will those values help guide my kids to lead long, healthy, fulfilled lives? I don’t know.  I hope so.  What I know for sure is that Blythe and I get the honor of watching those seeds grow.  We’ll be sitting on the sidelines, rooting them on…and who knows, for Will maybe that will be a literal sideline rather than a figurative one.