There is a conspiracy at work!!

Setting: My family was on a flight from SeaTac back to SLC after a family mission to experience not only some of the history of my side of their genes, but to see some fun and cool stuff too.

It was time to return home. But “they” did not appear to be ready. The concept of “fun” was still on their minds and a diabolical plot began to unfold among others that were in a similar situation. I was lucky to intercept their communication.

Before boarding the unspoken ones in charge of the transport tried to separate me from my family by giving me a free upgrade to first class. I offered it instead to my wife who declined (I think she is a double agent) so I declined as well. Something sinister was truly in the air.

While a thundering sound pierced the earbuds I had left in as noise cancelers it was not the engines of the aircraft or the background din of those who refused to stop their cell phone calls even though the flight attendant threatened us all with missing the goal of an on time take off. It was the enemy.

With my training in forensics and secret keeping and the help of the free consultative services that I engineered from my friend who I will call “Graig”, I took off my earbuds and began a new mission. I tried my best to remember the code with which they spoke as we took off and approached the final altitude because, not to make excuses but until I could turn on my iPad I was unable to take notes until getting permission to enable my devices.

In the meanwhile I planted my own daughter, who we will call #5 into the scenario. She is nine or ten whatever months old and has my back. Together through statistical analysis conducted while the runway kept her interest we identified other agents numbered one through four and managed to infiltrated their system.

The following is a transcript as best as we could piece it together:

#5 - I am picking up a signal. When I take my binky out of my mouth and give it you that will be my code for being locked in.

Binky transferred. Translation and training experience followed and acknowledged by returning the binky. Using a coding system of raspberries and hand signals my daughter and I have created she was able to relay the following communication that was occurring among "the little ones":

#2. I hear others, are many of us in the same boat?

#3. No boat, this time it is a flying thing. We are supposed to be impressed with this but cartoons do this every day. Just be thankful it is not a car going across a long expanse of nothing for hours at a time.

#3 I hate it when they say “Hey look at those cows!!” when they know full well I am locked down so tight in this backward facing pod like thing that I cannot see ….

#4 Ummm, where are they taking us?

#1 Some place horrible. It always sucks.

#4 Why? I mean…. I got coloring books and a hold on …….. whAAAAA!!! HHHAAWWAAA!!

#1 Ok that one needs a uniform change and is out of commission for a bit. She might join us or not, but we must press on nonetheless.

#4 Some voice came over head. What did he say?

#1 Whacka Wacka Wacka I just wish "The Giant People" would at some point learn to communicate clearly. I think he said “There is a mountain called Rainer or something that is peaking up from beyond the clouds and we are thinking of landing there and rolling all of you down to the bottom for fun".

#2. I think we need to get together on this I am nervous.

#1 I have been through this before, they threaten stops like that but it usually means they get snacks and sodas and tell us to go back to sleep.

#3 Screw em, I have a PS3. Besides, Dad just gets a $5 beer. Idiot.

#1 You really do not understand this do you?

#2 I see a large metal cart coming my way. It might have the nectar.

A momentary silence fills the cabin. It is an eerie feeling.

#1 Oh you guys so do not get it! That cart has nothing on it for us but …… hey where is #5? She hasn’t said anything in quite a while.

I was wondering the same thing. She had fallen asleep. My double agent planned to give her some nectar at just the correct time to cause this and now I find I am on my own. I open a book on my kindle and pretend to read it but I try to still pick up on what is being said.

#1 They give a cookie to make your teeth feel better. It is like a, like a, bribe of some kind so you will calm down. Do not bite on the myth!!! Your teeth will still hurt.

#2 Exactly, but we all still know the destination they are taking us to in this trap is to some horrible place and in the meantime I have something to do.

#3 I just completed World of Warcraft for the 5^th time, NOT!!! But you guys are all still stupid.

#4 I have a suggestion

#1 Yeah, whatever, go back to your blanket and fiddle with a discarded candy wrapper

#2 I think we should hear him out or her, or it, or half person I don’t know. I have been called so many things at restaurants that I don’t care anymore.

#1 Shut up. What is the idea?

The rest was a garbled mess that I could not make any sense of. They all started making crazy noises that seemed to deliberately be not only out of tune but also be without any beat or cadence as to distract the giant ones. It was a cacophony of noises that my brain simply could not comprehend.

#5 Woke up and smiled. The double agent made the right move and the rest of the giants prepared some of that nectar got a few scribing devices out of their weapon containers along with medium on which to chronicle their experiences in crayon.

I thought the last part was a mistake, so it became imperative to alert the entire force of giants of this portion of their conspiracy.

We have to learn more about how they plot against us.

How they teach us about time.

Once on a business conference call with a speaker phone mic I mistakenly left open the young one making noises in the background moved the head of the virtual table to give me some advice. In front of everyone he said:

"When they try to stand up, push them back down. I just mean it happens so fast that you can't blink or you will miss it. Slow it down."

I am a person who has a habit of connecting dots whenever I can. Of course the fall back from that is being oblivious to the obvious in the current moment. In this instance my mind naturally went somewhere else. I recalled a conversation with a former client I really liked personally that was a divorce Attorney who specialized in representing the woman’s side of such conflicts and it went something like:

"Women should never marry until they are at least 30.”

I looked at my daughter and tried to imagine her being 30 as I replaced her binky. Since I got a late start on the parenting gig myself I cannot be sure I will see it, but I tried to picture the event and who she might choose and how I could afford it. The topic of the conference call became background mumbling that I was no longer interested in. I still don’t remember what the call was for.

Now that I have a second one and the older is outgrowing her clothes and attracting friends from what seems like a 50 mile radius it seems that slowing things down really just means to enjoy their moments. Soak in every noise they make, every attempt to crawl, reach for a toy, every step they take, and every display of attitude that while in need of guidance makes me smile inside.

I am so glad my girls are trying to teach me to slow down. They say "Daddy, just sit for a minute."